The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
