we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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