I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
