i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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