I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
