i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
