How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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