I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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