Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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