they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm bleeding and have questions
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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