I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
