We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
