Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
