Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
