Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
