Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize