I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize