is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
