It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
