I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize