I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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