in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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