I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
