He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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