the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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