I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
