I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
