You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Still dying that you shit outside
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
