You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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