Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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