My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
