Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You're like the curious george of whores
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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