yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
