shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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