but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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