I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
