im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
