i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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