So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
