i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Randomize
