hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
