yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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