wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
