im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize