So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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