so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
