I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
