I accidentally burped into my bong.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
