yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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