singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize