I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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