I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
