i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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