i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
