fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Drake has all the answers
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
