I just saw a hot homeless man
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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