R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
