Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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