i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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