you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
