you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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