beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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