ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
