U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
