My underwear smells like fireworks.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
